Monday, April 11, 2011

Making My World Bigger

Shortly after Evan died, I rescued a cat from a local shelter. An older, beautifully marked gray and black gentleman,  Daniel helped to fulfill my intense desire to nurture another living thing. Even though I no longer had my child, I still needed to be a mother. So however pitiful it sounds, sweet Daniel helped fill the bill.

Thankfully, our son Kieran came along. He's almost five now and I have ample opportunities to satisfy that urge to nurture. Truth be told, sometimes too many opportunities, but that's another story!

A couple of years ago, I fell in love with the idea of raising laying hens and having our own eggs. After a few conversations with my husband and a little bit of research, we had 30 tiny, cheeping chicks in our spare room.What business did I have trying to raise chickens? Was I crazy?

The chickens, and Daniel, too, have turned out to be successful endeavors and have brought us much happiness, and even provided us with delicious food in the form of those beautiful, bright orange-yolked eggs. So, armed with these successes, I was feeling a little cocky when I decided that I must have a furry little lap dog. This time the conversation with my husband required a little more finesse regarding my powers of persuasion, but I obtained the okay. After a little research, and a lot of help from a wonderful friend, we were the owners of a sweet little gray/taupe/white Shih Tzu named Patrick. After about two weeks of doggie ownership, I am still pleased with our decision and I'm glad we have him.

There is a point to all of this, and here we come to it. My life has not been easy since I lost my son. I have been challenged in ways that I never imagined possible.  Having another child and opening up my home and my heart to these animals is helping me to heal. It means saying yes to life, to chaos, and to accept the scary fact that not all things are in my control. Very few, in fact. It means learning to live with less fear. It means living in the moment and taking more chances. It means making more wonderful friends and connections in my community. I'm getting there. I'm patting my cat, hugging my child, letting the dog out, collecting the eggs, and holding hands with my husband. 

Kieran and Patrick